Maybe this emotional phase is just because of the monthly thing I know I shouldn’t be sharing that but I really need to let go of these unexplainable heart turmoil.

I’m suddenly tired of life. I want to just finish school and then pass the board exam so that after all of those, I could go on a long vacation. I will be away from those people, this environment, these pressures, this deep sadness.

I just want to run away but I know that doing so will never solve any problem.

I’m tired of being not good enough. I’m tired of not knowing how to do this and that. I’m tired of feeling AND being stupid. I’m tired of trying so hard to satisfy the perfectionist me but end up failing myself even more. I’m tired of waiting for that one thing that will enter my life and give me a new light.

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I want to change the way this river I’m talking about my life, jsyk flows

Most of the people around me thinks that I’m someone who can live alone. Well, that’s not entirely true. I can’t live without my family and my dog and my biases although I will not deny the fact that aside from them, I can live just fine don’t believe me, I’m just keeping up the strong image.

Okay, here’s the truth. I am a person who needs someone to lean on to. It’s just that I got hurt almost way too many times already so I have decided to put up this wall. I want to protect myself. You might think that it’s hard to break the wall since it’s been up for years but honestly, you can break it without knowing that you already did. It’s just that I won’t let you enter the  boundary easily even if you have managed to break the walls.

I detach myself from people who I think will hurt me sooner or later. That’s also the reason why I do not get attached to almost anyone outside family. It’s hard to earn my full trust.

I think this turned into a rant about my life and some random sht DON’T BLAME ME, IT’S A GIRL THING

oh, sorry for the face spam…

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