Night of Confussion

You see, I’m not a party person. I actually hate going to places with lots of light, noise and people. I hate it when too much light strikes my eyes and I can barely see the normal skin color of the person beside me. I also dislike loud noises that are normally emitted by the gigantic speakers in a party. I don’t hate people – it’s just that I really do suck in making conversations specially to random strangers that I might not meet the day after the conversation.


Yes, I am an introvert with some extrovert characteristics.


While they were partying last  night [Feb. 8, 2014 and yes, this is a late post. No excuses], I was up in my room, staring at the fanfiction story about BTS and momentarily checking the people who happened to be talking beside [or should I say below? since I am in the 2nd floor] my window.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you that I think I already like someone who’s not from the KPOP world, right? I think this feeling that I have for him isn’t like-like. I mean, I don’t hate him but I also don’t like him romantically. Despite my struggles to explain to my friends that I only appreciate this person’s kindness and cool side, they proclaimed that I like the dude. They’ve been teasing me since the last week of November. Ask my diary about it.

Since I lost in a bet the night before the party, I had to ‘confess’ to him via facebook. I sent him a private message about how I like him and how it was just a dare but how it’s also not a lie.


After that night, I think I have been confused with my own feelings. I think I am falling into the temptations of peer pressure. It’s not like I’m prohibiting myself from actually finding love outside KPOP. It’s just that I think no true love will result from peer pressure and just this thing is something I shouldn’t be paying attention to as of the moment.


After our dreaded ES 1 midterms exam, I strolled out a bit to purchase a bubble tea – somewhat my comfort ‘food’ it’s not a food, i know, it’s a drink  but to my despair, the shop’s closed. So I went to check Zagu. The shop’s open but there are too many people inside and the attendants aren’t being efficient that night. I resolved to just go back to my room in the dorm and sulk about my exam.


Around 11 pm, there were people shouting words in their own dialect and I did not understand anything so I wasn’t really paying attention to them but not after I heard one person shout your name. I debated whether to look out or not because your name’s kinda common; in the end, I still looked outside and I did not regret my decision. I saw him having so much fun and heck, he even did some sort of funny balloon dance. 


Around midnight, he replied to my PM [private message] and he told me that he thinks the message wasn’t supposed to be sent to him but to my close friend. I was really hurt by that. Now, I am afraid of what will happen and/or how I will and/or should act around him during our mutual classes.


It sucks. I blame all my friends involved in the dare conspiracy.  


meet the party pooper


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