My parents always ask me if there’s something wrong and I always re – assure them that everything’s just fine.
I don’t think I lied to them. Nothing’s wrong, it’s just that my real dream is making my heart hurt so badly. How can I tell them that my dreams and what I wanted to be in the future is now different from what I’ve had when I was a kid? How can I tell them that I just want to go out there, sing, dance and act my heart out instead of getting stuck with science books and tons of mathematical problems?
Don’t get me wrong. Taking up BS Geology is cool but it’s not what my heart truly yearns for. I want to be an idol but reality and practicality stops me. Another factor is that that me who can perform have been murdered by the society and the scrutinizing eyes of the ‘perfect ones’ during high school.
Just watching this video of Korean students who do what I have always wanted to do makes me sob real hard and think of the what if’s and could have’s of life.
What could have been my current personality, identity and state if I took the path of an idol and pursued my dream? Ahh, I can only imagine how different it would have been.