Chained Freedom

I don’t know. I feel like I am caged.

Well, my parents are really strict and protective since I am the only child but you see, I know a couple of parents who are not like that to their kid (who’s also solo). Honestly, this situation is contradicting itself. I crave for my parents’ attention and care but not in this way. I feel like I’m being chained into a giant boulder that I can never move. Why do I crave for their attention? It’s simple. They don’t have time for me. They’re always working. During the year end vacation, I was at home for a month and we only get to see each other during the evenings and occasionally during the weekends. You see, they’re always in the office, or doing something else somewhere whenever I am home. It hurts me a lot because I have nobody to talk to. It’ll make me a hypocrite if I say that I don’t need the money that they get from working but what I want to point out is that I need them.

I need someone to talk to especially at home. I need someone who’ll be there to listen and someone to guide me. Slowly but surely, this is killing me. We never talk without bickering. Whenever I call them because I feel bad, sad or when I need advice or when the homesickness strikes in, all I usually get from my mom are scoldings while my father says nothing.

My loneliness at home made me want to be surrounded by happy people and I found them. My friends are all bubbly and warm. They make me feel like I’m human, that there’s someone who is there to listen and to give advice. I thought I found the missing piece of the million pieces puzzle but then, the chains came in. My parents (or should I say my mom? my father never goes against what my mother says so I don’t know how to see that…) hate it when I go out with them even just to eat dinner or relax for a bit and hangout. They hate it. I’ve been scolded way too many times but I’m scared that their feelings will be hurt when I tell them that my friends made me feel the happiness that I really long for.

Don’t get me wrong I love my parents so much but sometimes, their rules are suffocating.

1. After school, I should go straight back to the dorm.
2. I should not go out after the clock strikes 6:30 pm.
3. If I need to do something outside and it’s really important/urgent, I get to have 30 minutes of extension.
They call the residence hall and my roommates to verify my whereabouts.
4. I have to call them first thing in the morning, before I go to class, after eating, upon arriving in the dormitory, before going to sleep, etc. Basically, every single thing that I do should be known by them.
5. I can’t go to another person’s room/house. No sleepovers, no room hopping.
6. No side trips with anyone.

I love my parents and I know that they just want to protect me but you see, their ways of “protecting me” makes me feel like I’m being suffocated. I’m chained into the house/dorm – school – house/dorm routine. I need friends too, you know? Sigh, I don’t know what to do right now. I don’t want to answer their calls as of the moment because I might just say some things that I never really wanted to say. And this is why I’ve always contested to other people that being an only child is not always full of rainbows and unicorns. It depends on the situations set by the parents + the factors brought upon by the environment.

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