Honestly, I am considering if I should rename this from ‘A Fangirl’s Heart’ into ‘Emotion Dumpsite’ or something like that. I have realized that the things I post here are mostly just about my goddamn emotions and too little about my fangirl life. Oh, another thing. As of this week, I still don’t have the heart to record a new vlog because my dog isn’t okay. I’m in a turmoil of sadness because the veterinarian told me and my parents that they can’t do anything anymore. The worms have infested my dogs heart and blood and they have also caused his liver to fail a little.
Can you imagine the pain of losing someone and you can’t do anything about it as it happens? I just want to cuddle him and tell him that everything’s going to be alright and that he will surely recover but it just doesn’t work. It breaks my heart every time my parents call me at night just to tell me that he’s not consuming anything except for some occasional gulps of water. I can’t even think of any sufficient word to describe how I feel right now.
He’s my only best friend and he has been with me for the past 10 years. How does one freaking let go of someone that precious? I want to rewind the time and do the things that I want to do with him. I was a kid back then and I admit that we didn’t get to hang out that much especially after I entered high school. I want to turn back time and give him better memories and spend more time with him but we all know that that’s literally impossible.
It feels like no, scratch that. I am freaking losing the only sibling that I have. The only one who always looks out for me and comforts me every single time. He never left my side. He never bit me even if I irritate him so much (like when I dab his nose with a tissue…. I just wanted to wipe away the goo!) He made me feel the love of a sibling that I never had even though he never said anything.